Posts Tagged 'mememe'

It’s oh so quiet…

I handed in my keys and credentials at the office yesterday. As of now, I’m officially unemployed, folks!

Truth be told, the decision to quit home care before I start interning was made years ago. It’s not realistic to work at both with the shiftwork of interning, even though the interning gig is still without pay here. But I’ve been working a lot lately (to save up) and I have to trust that my savings plus bursary plus government loans will get me through the next few years. My last few work days were better than I’ve had them in months, and I am really going to miss the clients as well as (some of) my colleagues. Really, I couldn’t have wished for a better last week after six years in this job.

Now I have a three week holiday before I start my intern program. Y’all, doing nothing is great! For a day or so that is. I sat on my balcony in the gorgeous sunshine today with my iPod, a book, a notebook, my to-do book, a Killer Sudoku and  a bottle of water I put in the freezer last night. I read the entire book, wrote some poetry, solved the Sudoku and came up with a bunch of fun (and some necessary) things to do in the coming weeks. Some decorating projects, some new biking routes to explore, a major house cleaning mission, a plan to get through my enormous pile of assorted paperwork, ideas for recipes to try out….

One day of peace was plenty for now! Back to Life tomorrow!

It’s supposed to get really, really hot tomorrow. A good bit hotter than today even. Not looking forward to that at all. Another thing is that I’ll be meeting my dad in the evening, to discuss the events that took place on our recent trip to his Homeland. I can’t say I’m looking forward to it, but I feel that unless I address the issues at hand, our relationship will sour fast. When it’s good between us, the balance is already very fine. So the relationship can’t take very many problems before it gets to major crisis point, by which time it can take months to even years to get things right again. I love my dad, but some of his behaviour is utterly unacceptable in my book, just as some of mine is surely just as unacceptable in his.

An issue I’ve been struggling with over the past weeks is also the troubled relationship between my mum and my stepdad (The Prick, TP). It’s gotten to the point where I feel my mum just needs to leave with my brother and sister, but she’s not ready and able to do that yet. But TP’s gone WAY over the line in my book, and also in the book of everyone else who knows about their troubles. But it’s kind of hard to tell my mum that I think it would be better for her (and the kids) to leave, since TP and I have not gotten along in the past 15 years EVER! (sorry, it seems I need the CapsLock key a bit here and there today).

I won’t go into details but leave it at that TP has been very abusive toward my mum IN FRONT OF THE KIDS a number of times in the last month or two. And my mum just keeps making excuses for him, and for the fact she’s not left yet. In short, I can’t seem to convey my concerns and the seriousness of the situation to her. And whenever I’m in the house, TP behaves utterly angelic toward me. Which makes me want to vomit. But getting into a huge fight with him with the kids around (the only time I’m ever there) doesn’t seem like a good idea either. So I use the “Avoid and Ignore” strategy. For now at least. I’m also looking at finding possible shelters or support groups for abused women for my mum in her area. Thankfully, my uncle is helping me out with that, as well as letting me blow off steam about it to him, because I was starting to feel a bit lonely in the situation. OMFG, I hate The Prick.

Any suggestions on how to handle the Parental Situations are most welcome. I’m just trying not to send myself into a downward spiral about the situations.


Dancing away the insecurities

I’m going out dancing tonight with a bunch of people I don’t know. I was invited by my Brazilian temporary roommate, and though I’m really looking forward to a night of dancing, I’m kind of nervous about going with people I don’t know. Part is just my shiness in new groups, but another part is the “OMG, I’M FAT” factor, as I know all of the group to be on the skinny to “average” end of the spectrum.

I know there’s no reason to think I won’t be welcomed into this group, and even if I’m not, I’ll just be dancing. But I have had quite a tough week visiting my relatives abroad, and specifically with my dad being angry at me for refusing to try and lose weight. I have explained to him how I try to eat intuitively, and if I lose weight, fine, if not, fine too. But he essentially demanded I start dieting, and we argued and fought about just about every little other thing too. I know this is his problem, but being yelled at for three days is hardly good for your body image and self confidence.

So I nearly wigged out of going dancing this evening. But you know what? I feel like dancing! I feel like moving, and the fact that it’s a barefoot club makes it even better! So I’m going to have fun, dammit, and go dancing anyway.

I got what I wanted

Yay! I got my first choice placement in the intern lottery, despite having lot number 14 out of 16….. I guess everyone else wants a longer summer break, when I’m fine with starting on July 21st. And there was a lot of drama… people were actually in tears about the placements they got, and not the happy kind. I have to say, though I felt sorry for the girls who were crying, that I seriously worry about how they’ll get through a surgical rotation for instance.

I, on the other hand, was overjoyed. I get to go to a bunch of peripheral hospitals and only one of them is more than an hour away. So, for the next two years, I’ll still be relatively close to home, most of the hospitals are within cycling distance (<12.5 mi), so I should be getting a good workout buzz without spending a lot of money or free time.

I also got another thing I wanted: company. A friend of mine who now  Brazil is staying with me for a month while she sorts out the last things here in the city before she moves permanently to a small town near Brasilia. It’s great to have a roommate again, even if it’s just for a month. It also makes me really want to  move, because I have a very difficult (because she was traumatized in her home country) neighbour who doesn’t want to hear people around her, and people other than me in our building freak her out.

And yet another thing I wanted: my good bike is fixed. It was unrideable due to a broken brake I didn’t have the money to get fixed before. And the weather is great, even though the forecast said it would be terrible today. Too bad I have to work this afternoon and evening, otherwise it would’ve been a great day for a 50k or something like that.

And, clothes!!!! Here’s a headless fatty shot of me in my new polo shirt and cute skirt.

Doesn’t it totally say “quirky junior doctor” ? Also, the shoez! they’re so comfortable! And pretty too! And flat! I’m working on creating a more professional look for when I start interning, because jeans and tee are not always appreciated. Beside the skirt I also got 2 new pairs of trousers, a wrap dress, a long grey/white striped blouse and  a stack of basic tees. I haven’t bought new tees in about three years, so there was a definite need there, and they were under five bucks each! So I guess I’m set clotheswise for a bit too.

Now I must go out and celebrate all these good things with a new haircut.

Okay, here I am again….

I haven’t blogged anything I promised to blog. Why?

Well, my friend’s mum died. It was very sad. And then, for good measure my computer died. And, not to forget, the funeral was on my birthday.

So, first I didn’t have the time to post and then my computer started eating everything I wrote. I actually wrote a really long post about the birthday/funeral thing and the consequences it would have, and it disappeared. But now, after reinstalling Windows and saving all my files and music onto a portable hard drive, I’m happy to say I’m back at my computer. Only, now, I have to catch up on a million things and I’m throwing a belated birthday party tomorrow and I have to go shopping and visit the library….

Just so ya know!

Want, need, get, have, love

About eight months ago, my ipod quit on me, outside warranty. At that time I was getting ready for a 4 month (frequently camping, back to basics) trip to Canada, so I decided against getting a new one right away, since it wasn’t going to do me much good. Instead, I picked up a cheap potable mp3CD-player, and asked my family and friends to fill up a CD with mp3s they like. I have a solar-powered battery charger, so I could pretty much always have music.

When I got back early November, I didn’t have the money to get a new one right away. It didn’t really matter, though, since I was almost too busy to listen to any music. But the last few weeks, I really started to miss my ipod. The compactness, the fact it can carry all my music, and I can play whatever I like and not be dragging around a pack of Cd’s. I am a fan of portable music libraries. So I got to the point of want.

But, being a student not wanting to go too much into debt, I have a system of buying, well, pretty much anything, based on need and want. Basically, it’s a short series of questions I ask myself whenever I pick anything up from a shelf. It goes like this:

  1. Do I want it?
  2. Do I need it?
  3. Do I need it today?

See? Simple. Only if all three questions are answered affirmatively, do I buy the ipod/pack of biscuits/cauliflower/pen/… Now, there are always times You want something and don’t need it, but still really want it, or suddenly find yourself going out to dinner with friends. I set aside some money for these things each month, and this works.

Now, back to the ipod. I was at Want. But an ipod is expensive, in my book at least. It’s about 3 months of  fun money, and I can’t miss out on social activities just because I want to be able to stick headphones on my ears and listen to music as I go about the mundane things in my day. So a long-term want it stayed, even though by now I wanted it bad.

But then I took off for the week and took my portable CD player with me. Two things stood out for me, that should have been obvious to me earlier, but I had been a bit stressed, and missed: Music, especially through earphones, makes me happy; and portable CD players are a hassle.

In short, what I realised was that the ipod is at this point in my life a necessity, because it really keeps my spirits up, and doing that has been a little hard over the last few months. It’s a Need.

Of course, I told myself I didn’t need it right away (money, money, money -it’s not like I don’t have enough to buy the thing, but I always like to save up and then make up my mind about what I spend it on). But then I had a really interesting class (on Philosophy in Psychiatric Treatment, an elective I’m taking), in which we explored our own motives for doing and not doing things, and how we sometimes harm ourselves by not creating the circumstances in which we can work to the very best of our abilities.

Hmm… I’ve been having a hard time staying positive and focused. Music makes me more productive. But I’m not listeningto any, because the CD player is too big to just stick in my pocket. That’s not exactly creating the best circumstances for yourself, is it? So I decided I Needed it Today.

There’s a big electronics store on the way from the medical school back to my house, and last Monday, immediately after said class ended, I went to the store and Got myself a new ipod.

So now I Have an ipod again. And you know what? I’ve had a great week. I’ve read more, felt more relaxed, slept better, and got more things done in generally.

Verdict: Good choice. I Love that I made it.

Refreshed and Recharged (aka Looooong photo post)

I’ll just describe one of the days I had on the Island Up North by sharing a few pics I took on the 4-hour walk I took. Hope the pics relax you as much as these few days off have relaxed me.

Well, I stepped out the door onto the patio, and this is what I saw: seriously cute hedgehog! Sunbathing! Way to make my day!Sunbathing Hedgehog

Then it was only a few minutes until I was in the middle of this:


Yay! Woodsyland all around and no-on else in sight or sound! So I wandered around in the wooded area for a while. The last time I was here was two years ago, and the area is still fantastic. Well, it should be, it is a National Park after all.

So after about half an hour of getting myself lost in the woods (not really, I know the area and I had a map with me, just in case), I came to a bit of the woods that I think is really fun: the kids’ hiking trail. They’ve set it up with cool wood carvings in unexpected and sometimes half-hidden places, and it’s up to the kids to find them all. I’ll give you an easy one:

Froggy and Stream

Then I decided that I wanted to see the sea today as well. So off I went, across the fields,

Texel Fields

through the dunes,

Texel Dunes

to the beach. There, the first thing I saw was what resembled a black rock on the soft end of the beach. Upon closer inspection, it seems someone left their shoes. They’re good shoes at that, and they seem to have been there for a while. Here’s the pic.

Abandoned Shoes

Then, along the sea I went a walking…

Just Beachy

And suddenly I found myself all alone:Abandon

So I hurried back up the dune. Why?

And the Storm Rolls In

The storm rolling in, that’s why! So I rushed back to the house and snuggled up in my PJs with a pot of hot tea and my discman (sue me, my ipod is broken). And while sipping my lovely Orange Spice tea, this was the view from the bedroom window:

Hail to the Hail!

And yup, those are hail stones!

So that was my day! Rinse and repeat twice, add in a trip to the swimming pool (with Jacuzzi and waterslides), and you have my beachy trip!


I realised yesterday that the next few days are the last days I have off at least until the end of April, so I am heading off to spend them on the coast. The weather may be just as yucky as it is here in the city, but it’s a change of scenery, and it’s a place I love to go especially this time of year, before all the tourists come. I’m staying in a little house with no internets, so I won’t be around here at least until Friday.

What’s not to love about a place right by the sea on one side, the dunes and woods on the other, with hiking and biking trails, and an indoor pool close by to boot?

Anyway, I’m bringing a few books I’ve been meaning to read, and my journal and some good music, to make it even better.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some packing to do.

May 2018
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